#emoweek

lovely weather we're having, no?

wanted to check in and log what i've been up to so i don't forget years from now. this is my scrapbook tbh. 

i think in order to keep myself somewhat balanced i started making to-do lists. the lists could definitely be compiled of more constructive activities but honestly i'm cutting myself some slack. "debone salmon", "dust off ceiling fan blades", "do not drink beer", "email reductress (beg)", "listen to the new yves tumor album" ... i feel like this to-do list unfortunately encompasses whatever emo portion of quarantine i'm experiencing at the moment. #emoweek continues - apparently it's monday today. 

i think the main contributors to my #emoweek would have to be 1) covid19 2) on my period 3) very emotional reconnection with my best friend from college 4) bought alcohol 

i'm literally the smartest woman on earth for purchasing dairy free ice cream at the grocery store before being locked in. i've never had such an intense and textbook menstrual cycle in my life. this is just something i felt like i needed to document outside of whatever the app i have on my phone is called. 

day 1

my brain like, completely regressed to being 15 and listening to girlpool's 2014 self-titled debut album on repeat. this made me read through all of my old music reviews from 2013 - 2016. honestly i had forgotten about a lot of the albums i apparently had incredibly strong opinions about at one point. this made me kind of sad. which prompted my day 2 activities. 

day 2 

naturally, it's time to listen to all of the albums i reviewed as a teenager, and form my own opinions on them now. are they good still? 

day 3

revisited the entire death grips discography, revisited the entire animal collective discography. (i seemed the most emotionally attached to these two bands purely through my writing.) 

i think i learned a lot about myself by reading through my old writing. i literally just used to send that sh*t out and then never look at it again when i initially started doing editorial work. i think writing journalistically was the structure i needed back then but to me, as a tween, it ultimately seemed stifling. this is why most of my live show reviews were my observations about like, what the crowd was wearing / if the show got an extreme or profound emotional response out of me or not. i really did not like writing for this publication but they honestly did give me an insane amount of freedom up until i got more serious and had less silly opinions. i'm honestly so glad that i still have printed copies of these reviews because it was f*cking hilarious in the first place that i was writing amongst only middle aged libertarian men about how much my little heart loved death grips. also like i had an article published where i, a 15 year old and very sexually confused girl, called sky ferreira hot. thank god that moment was documented! 

i simply decided that i'm not embarrassed about any of the people i've been/will become because that's life baby :P 

so to further go down the rabbit hole of my own tween brain and accept her as the rookie girl she was i used the mcf*cking wayback machine (again) to look at my blog from 2011-2013. the blog that let future editors know that not only could i write about music, but i could also make mildly disturbing fan art. not mildly disturbing because it was like 'scary' or something, it's just really weird that i was making james murphy fan art when i was 12, like i don't even really remember being that unhinged and carefree back then. kind of jealous of her...  

really into the whole "being vulnerable online" thing right now during #emoweek 

here's a playlist i made for my blog in the ripe year of 2011!!!

afternoon - youth lagoon 

lofticries - purity ring 

honey bunny - girls 

ffunny ffrends - unknown mortal orchestra

friend crush - friends 

blue jeans - lana del rey 

after the moment - craft spells 

it's real - real estate 

how i know - toro y moi 

freshborn - deerhoof  

honestly i've got to admit this is not even a bad playlist and all of these songs have a time and a place. i just cannot for the life of me believe that i organically got back into blogging after 7 years... honestly the blog has been deactivated for 7 years and i hadn't really thought about what i used to write on there until this week. turns out that i was dropping illegal download links to "vampire weekend full discography free download (seeding) The Pirate Bay" and ranting about dan deacon like a freak. 

glad i'm getting back to my roots! i think i'm going to start leaving angry comments on pitchfork articles now. 

baby brain unhinged!

i hate that #emoweek made me kind of resonate with one of these annoying paragraph memes about being sad/anxious. i usually hate these because it's too small to read and for me, a perfect meme is an instant cackle. my inner monologue has kind of been going in circles similarly to the way the text on this meme is written, which i don't really like. not as depressing but just being so self centered right now because i'm alone and thinking about me, me, me! like, i kind of feel like a sociopath for thinking so damn hard about myself but honestly i think rereading everything i'd ever written gave me a better sense of who i am as a writer/person. you're allowed to act like a nut job in quarantine if it's at the very least under the guise of self improvement/growth, right? 

on top of all of this i've been working on a 36x48 oil painting featuring the webMD logo. 

#theintersectionofartandtechnology 

also here's my spring playlist !! 

if the world ends, will i still be able to listen to mariah carey? 

some of my favorite love songs (playlist)

i don't really think about holidays very much but i do like valentine's day because the $1.00 section at target has cuter things comparatively to their other seasonal selections. early to mid february is the best time to find deals on post-it notes with hearts on them at target. 

with that being said, 

it's come to my attention that a lot of people tend to reuse songs they originally put on mixes for their exes and/or sourced from mixes their exes gave them a long time ago while making playlists for a new romantic interest. i wonder if this is an attempt to associate these songs with new, happy emotions / reclaim songs they have sad memories attached to? or if they're just too lazy to put something new together for their sweetheart? 

in response to this global epidemic i've decided to think of some of the best love songs my little brain could muster up. 

some of these songs are, in my opinion, too good to show to someone you're not sure about though. they are very good songs, that is why i put them in this playlist. 

i will probably change my mind about this list but i do think a lot of them are kind of perfect songs. 

#1. ladies and gentlemen we're floating in space - spiritualized (i mean... c'mon. this is how you start a f*cking playlist.)

#2. lorelei - cocteau twins (this song sounds like being in love.) 

#3. that's us/wild combination - arthur russell (i don't need to explain this one.) 

#4. in a manner of speaking - tuxedomoon (this song is just like... sexy.) 

#5. i wanna be yours - john cooper clarke (anyone who says they want to be your vacuum cleaner is probably interested in you.) 

#6. so alive - love and rockets (this song is little more lusty than i'd like it to be, still a great song.) 

#7. astral plane - the modern lovers (this one also does not need to be explained.) 

#8. in love - the raincoats (good portrayal of feeling crazy.) 

#9. i love you - beat happening ("in passion view, oh yeah / in cowboy suits, oh yeah.")

#10. my love for you - ESG (this song just makes you feel like dancing around because you're excited.) 

#11. take a chance on me - ABBA (i mean, it's ABBA. not much to say really. y'all know what this song sounds like.) 

#12. nothing can stop us - saint etienne (very happy, makes you smile.) 

#13. oh to be in love - kate bush (still baffled by her high notes. still mad i can't hit them while i'm singing along. especially while inebriated & recording myself via the photobooth "app" on my macbook. the fbi agents spying on me are 'shook.') 

#14. thirteen - big star (i have cried to this song before, maybe multiple times. i'm not afraid to admit that on my own blog.) 

#15. i'll be your mirror - the velvet underground (one of my favorite songs of all time, and i sang it as a solo for chorus when i was younger lol.) 

#16. (they long to be) close to you - carpenters (sweet lyrics.)

#17. baby i'm-a want you - bread (there's a lot of emotion in this one.) 

#18. l'amour looks something like you - kate bush (yes, i put two kate bush songs on this list - i think this one might be better compared to the other one. i'm judging purely by which one i personally feel more spiritually connected to. don't tell her this though please.) 

#19. angels - the jazz butcher (my mother flew in this band from london to play her wedding when our family was rich. i stumbled across one of her wedding photos in a youtube.com video thumbnail for their song 'holiday' and it kind of freaked me out because i had never even seen that photo of her before. we're not sure how the guy who uploaded the video got that photo. and then in 2002 my parents were asked to be on the show "divorce court" — they declined unfortunately.) 

#20. say yes - elliott smith (self explanatory.) 

#21. hey moon - john maus (i don't even know if this is technically a love song, but it does make you feel like you're floating and i think that counts.) 

#22. this is now - the knife  (electronic music can also sound like love.) 

i think a lot of these songs have the capacity to make anyone feel (generally) in love even if they aren't "in love" with someone. 

why not share this feeling with whoever is reading my 'blogger' account in 2020? 

anyway this edible is making it really hard to continue typing. 

hope you enjoy <3

spotify link --> here

    isn't this so cute 

    & fitting of the theme 

mid-late jan. 2020 (playlist)

mid-late january 2020
#1. yummy - justin bieber
#2. keep pushing on - john maus
#3. lazy calm - cocteau twins
#4. the funeral party - the cure
#5. a great design - black marble
#6. réu confesso - tim maia
#7. yala m'le - boncana maïga
#8. people power - billy paul
#9. se você for a salvador - brylho
#10. baby daughter - jeff majors
#11. messages from the stars - the rah band
#12. david - celia
#13. cheree - suicide
#14. the shape you're in - art feynman
#15. the box - roddy ricch
#16. come to the house - lucy
#17. trois gymnopedies (first movement) - gary numan
#18. stepping into tomorrow - donald byrd
#19. invitation - saâda bonaire
#20. all night long - mary jane girls

spotify link: click!

it's really important that i start this playlist off the right way.
let's face it. yummy by justin bieber was kind of a hit for me mid-late january 2020. this is really a strange pick for me because i've never been a 'belieber' so to speak. never really listened to him when he had all of his pre-teen hits.

i really think all of the alarming promotion for this song (posting photos of babies on instagram with #yummy as the caption, telling fans to sleep with this song on in the background etc.) made this release important to me in a lot of ways. i definitely think there's something fishy going on behind the scenes and i wouldn't be surprised to find out there were satanic messages in the background of the song if you reverse it in audacity or something. regardless, i fell under the yummy spell in january.
it's kind of like 'fluoride fomo' a term i just coined that describes the feeling of wanting to drink fluoride water so you're not smarter than everyone else.

broke: filtering fluoride out of your water
(my roommate says this is impossible? i don't really care that much but... is that true? lol)
woke: vibing to yummy by justin bieber, if only for a fleeting moment.

anyway,
this is a list of some of the songs i enjoyed during the second half of january 2020.