i think my fangirling peaked when i was around 14 and got really into the burger records fandom.
being a cog in this online community of mostly teen girls living in southern california who were obsessed with colleen green or whatever (to make a long story short) led to having a lot of online pen-pals who i would send stickers and zines to about all of the music we liked. it's been interesting to watch all of these girls grow into who they are now, and how all of our interests have shifted. some of them are like married now? wild.
today i'd like to discuss kate bush. for me, liking kate bush transcends 'fangirling' - i can't say this about too many things.
this is a photo set of my mother and kate bush just to set the tone.
as i'm sure you can imagine she is a huge fan of kb. i'd venture to say she's a collector. in her possession are boxes and boxes of kate bush fanzines with lyrics and illustrations, rare records, bootlegs, merch etc etc etc. she even traveled to a 'kate bush convention' to meet her and they were wearing the same outfit by coincidence?
she's not insane because she has other interests, and i understand why she was/is like this. i mean, if you're reading this and you're on my wavelength about why her music is so important then you get it.
thankfully my mother took advantage of her own era of fangirling and held onto all of these important things. listening to kate bush together has always felt like a very common ground between us, and a defining link in our connection as mother and daughter. spiritually, her music affects both of us deeply & equally. anytime kb comes on it's like any angst or resentment towards her that i have ever harbored just washes away instantly and reminds me of our connection at it's core - and that's love, baby!
honestly, growing up i never realized how intuitive or 'spiritually inclined' my mother inherently was. i mean, i think all mothers are, but she never really talked about religion or spirituality to me very often, if ever. i think she wanted me to figure out my own sh*t which i'm appreciative of.
she's told me in the past that she was actually hoarding most of the kate bush stuff in order to pass onto the singular daughter she believed she would have in the future / would have 'visions' of during her youth as a club kid.
to further prove my point about the major importance of 'synchronicity' and 'odd occurrences' that have always been weaved throughout my existence i'd like to share this photo of a drawing my mother purchased in 1996 during her kate bush stan mecca pilgrimage to london:
this photo freaks me out! that's me as a kid! i have no idea who made this, neither does my mother - but like... y'all. okay. here's a great photo of me as a kid for reference:
i was experimenting with makeup and blow drying a fake dog <3 xo
<-- this is my mother
<-- this is me
like i was saying - she straight up told me she used to have visions of like a little redheaded girl in her dreams and then purchased that drawing on impulse 3 years before i was born?
side note but my name was originally supposed to be BRONWYN !!!!!!!!!! until my mom (thankfully) overheard a mother in a park say "kaitlin!" and she looked over and it was like... a little redheaded girl - then it clicked and now i'm here. my mom told the story a lot better than i just did, but i'd like to meet that girl 1day.
here's a photo of me at piedmont park cosplaying as my predecessor:
anyway back to kate bush,
the first noise i ever heard coming into this lifetime was kate bush... i was literally birthed to this music! birthed to kate bush, baptized by howard finster. a blessing and a curse! i think this is why i am insane.
and you'd think - oh well this b*tch likes kate bush so much because her mom was a stan. like obviously, yes it's in my orbit as a result of her being my mother but i never fully realized how important her music was to me personally until i grew into myself a bit more, which i'm thankful for. we'd listen to kb in the car together while i was growing up and sing along to it together, but i was too young to actually understand the lyrics and ... energy/power this music holds.
basically kate bush's music feels like an integral part of my being? it's probably not good to give so much weight to media in a real world emotional sense, but i do actually feel this way about her music. my mother and i have a really unique relationship & bond (haven't even scratched the surface) but kate bush amplifies it is all i'm saying.
i feel like i got heavily into kate bush on my own too, like i don't feel as if my mom tried to force me to listen to it or anything. her songs always kind of just made their way into my rotation when they needed to be (as long as i've been alive) and that's another reason why i love kate bush.
seems otherworldly!
my mom said if i don't play "mother stands for comfort" at her funeral she will haunt me. i believe her! stop talking about your funeral though? if i ever need to cry on command this is the conversation that i think about. i think i used this trick during a play when i was in elementary school. i remember one of the drama teachers telling me to like think about "puppies dying, or something" and i was already deep into thinking about my mom telling me about her very serious funeral arrangements in 4th grade. she's a leo!
i think kate bush, for me at least, embodies the spirit of femininity - like she has so many beautiful and varied songs. the dreaming?????? b*tch wtf... like that's feral creative manic mode. no f*cks given. meanwhile you've got like some of the most beautifully written pieces of music ... ever? and she wrote them WHEN? when she was in her TEENS? try and expect a hoe not to be impressed and overtaken.
but yeah - i feel like i'm listening to god when i listen to kate bush, depending on my mood.
"mother stands for comfort" by kate bush
and for fun ... here's a photo of the 3 generations of women prior to me, weird how none of them have red hair. i have to include this photo because like... the glamour...
i'm glad i grew up without the money because i'm a very hard worker as a result but it is fun to think about your family once owning the liberace mansion before all the money went away.
and if anyone is interested in buying liberace's wells fargo credit card (found in his estate) i am selling it on ebay right now. how the times have changed. ;)
i'm not staying on topic here but this is essential viewing - probably one of the most ridiculous videos i've ever watched. i love it.
my takeaways after reading this post back while pretending to be someone else:
1) kaitlin and her mom have a freaky bond and are both insane
2) kaitlin loves kate bush
3) kaitlin's name was almost bronwyn
4) liberace?
okay signing off xoxoxo
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