survivalist pussy mode activated

what a week we've had, huh? 

suburban culture is hilarious and comfortable, and i am actually really grateful to be at my father's house right now vs. doing god knows what (spiraling) at my house, with termites. this came as a surprise to me honestly because my dad is a libertarian and has been lowkey prepping for something like this for years now. this is actually the main reason why i was so hesitant to come to his house in the first place. this is kind of dark but honestly i decided that if shit did hit the fan, rather than go into survivalist pussy mode i would like to just be by myself smoking a blunt in the bathtub or something before eventually committing sui (as they say on reddit) in a beautiful and poetic way. it's just not in my nature to go into survivalist pussy mode - i'm literally way too idealistic and imaginative to be able to fight with people over toilet paper seriously. and i am way too stylish to go out like that. i was trying to imagine what my dad would be like in a crisis, and that thought was not very stylish to me. 

however, to my f*cking surprise i had it all wrong... my dad literally referred to himself as 'the tiki prepper' because as it turns out he was hoarding things like weed and rum for the apocalypse the entire time. like obviously canned food and first aid kits and stuff too, but like mainly things for him to enjoy before perishing i guess? it's not a bad thing to be prepared for emergencies if you also have a life outside of that and aren't just living in fear. realizing that my dad was actually just as invested in making sure he would be happy during an apocalypse in addition to having resources seemed less freaky and doomsday prepper-y to me. the whole prepper thing is also not like a huge aspect of his personality, but his politics are a little wacky. basically he distrusts the government and has a lot to say about aliens. he is actually way more normal than my mom, politically, at this point. i talked to my mom today for the first time all week and she informed me that there would be a 'social media blackout' in april and that coronavirus will cease to exist by good friday. she straight up had no receipts for any of these claims lol. i love my conspiracy theory parents <3 

thankfully i'm pretty normal and levelheaded. (at least i think so.)

(after having that big brained scary moment / mapping out my sui ideas to avoid survivalist pussy i had half a xanax and am fine now.) 

anyway, back to suburban culture. 

pros: 

- walking distance to really pretty trails and bodies of water. 

- clean.

- it's big and spread out so i can just go sit in a field and won't be bothered. 

somewhere in the middle between a pro and a con:

- everyone waves at you, and it's weird if you don't wave back.

- every child i have seen looks the same, and my brother is included. they all play fortnite and wear nike elite athletic socks which is funny and strange to me.  

- mcmansions 

cons: 

- just got invited to a barbecue at "the faulkners" and apparently they have a huge trampoline. 

- no one is social distancing, and everyone is at Marshall's returning their husband's cargo shorts that didn't quite fit right.

- everyone is straight. 

after smoking weed with my dad for the first time a few nights ago (inevitable during quarantine) he's been DMing me posts from @snoopdogg and @cheechandchong on instagram. i think this is really endearing!

this man literally built an entire tiki themed structure in his backyard, with running water and electricity, for the sole purpose of smoking weed in it. my dad loves weed, this is a gene i inherited from both of my parents. (i actually saw an old photo of my grandmother rolling a joint this week, i'm happy to continue the family tradition.) my dad is very discreet about it though because my brother is twelve years old, and kind of a narc for some reason? unfortunately, because of his discreetness (odorless vape) he walked in on me laying on the floor of the bedroom i'm staying in, dimly lit (obviously), jenny hval playing, candle lit, vibing - because he thought the sage i was burning was what weed smelled like and he didn't want my brother to smell it. i think seeing me just laying on the floor in that environment was far more shocking to him compared to him just thinking i had smoked weed inside. why on earth would i smoke weed inside if there is literally a designated weed smoking structure in the backyard? 

i think it's mostly just a flex piece on the other suburban dads. 

caroline and i facetimed for a few hours and watched lemony snicket's series of unfortunate events. (not the neil patrick harris version, obviously.) count olaf, despite his major character flaws, did kind of serve a myriad of looks in this film. whatever happened to count olaf? he kind of fell off more recently. 

and yesterday or the day before (i honestly have no idea, there is no perception of time in quarantine) i sat by a lake all day and painted watercolor landscapes. while all of you heathens were fixated on premarital sex, i (an intellectual) smoked weed by a lake and just sat in the sun, admiring all of the flowers blooming for spring. i'm simply in my walden pond bag right now and you can't handle it! 

if the weather wasn't so good i'm really not sure how i'd be doing cooped up like this. thankfully it's spring and i can walk on top of fallen cherry blossoms on the way to all of my nature destinations. 

i've simply read like 4 books, watched 3 movies, and now that i have access to a working laptop who knows what media i'll get into. most of my time has been dedicated to this somewhat realistic latch hook portrait of a horse i've been working on. i must admit that it looks fantastic thus far. sorry if this is considered to be bragging. 

honestly i'm quite thankful for this time to slow down, although i'm not really sure how i'll be paying my rent. (got laid off from the clickbait content farm due to covid related chaos, probably for the best though.) as usual - i will manifest rent. if i actually focus on feeling like i have rent already, i can bring rent into fruition. before i realized that you can actually manifest anything i was only unknowingly manifesting dumb shit like furniture i wanted. if you go back on my twitter feed you can actually see where i wrote something to the effect of "i want a midcentury modern credenza" and then just an hour later or something i wrote "just got a midcentury modern credenza for $24." so now i just have to tweet "i want free medicare for all" on twitter. another good underdeveloped manifestation story was when i manifested a tall boy can of enlightenmint yerba mate. i was literally fiending for that specific drink, specifically a tall boy, and was texting someone about how badly i wanted one. the building i worked in did not have this drink being sold anywhere but guess who walked into the store i was working in? a yerba mate rep offering me an ice cold free tall boy of enlightenmint yerba mate?? i was so thirsty... the yerba rep seemed angelic. 

anything you put energy into will come to you as if by magic, if it's meant for you. it's funny how you can feel things working in your favor sometimes. anyway, this is what i'll be focusing on so that i can pay rent. if anyone would like to know more about this, let me know. 

it's honestly miraculous that the second i filled up my notebook this laptop started working again. 

god said get on blogger.com, bitch! anyone else undergoing a major stirring of consciousness during this quarantine? 

i totally forgot what it was like to facetime with people for a really long period of time - everyone literally is like 'hold on i need to go pee' and you can just hear them pee in the background. this is bonding!